Wednesday, December 5, 2007

What really happened?

You might have noticed this abandoned bike in the center of the city, relaxing itself and minding its own business.

Luckily the humans passing by are sticking their noses where they don't have to. So what's the story behind the bike? Why don't you tell me what really happened:

Story No 1:
Bike was luckily married and lived in a big house at the suburbs. So did his sexy and single neighbor. Since his wife was away most of the time, the Bike enjoyed coffee time with the vicious neighbor. It wasn't long before their communication got a Biblical note and they figured out that having so much coffee is not really healthy while having sex stimulates the blood circulation. And staying healthy is important indeed. But then one day the wife came home earlier than expected and found her husband playing naughty with the neighbor. Still in shock she screamed: "Jack, I can't believe you're cheating on me with my husband! " Naturally she kicked him out and since then he is living on the streets.

Story No 2:
Bike is originally from India and is traveling around the world, searching for the meaning of life. First he tried to find it in Poland by talking to random folk but got wasted with Zubrowka instead. He woke up in a train to Spain with a heavy hang over hugging half naked prostitute. He continued his quest in Alicante where he was picked by a group of backpackers, doing a research on European night life. And boy did they research.
After few days of intense work the bike still didn't find the meaning of life. However he could name 50 all the best night clubs in Spain. Eager to find what he was looking for he flew to Australia to live with Aborigines. He spent few months with them but was unable to understand a word they were saying, so he took off. Finally he decided to visit a totally unknown country he knew nothing about and ended up in Slovenia. He didn't understand the language nor the culture so he decided to meditate until he finds what we is looking for.

Story No 3:
The bike is actually undercover CIA agent, looking deeply into secrets of everyday life. Her task is to find the key to Slovenian success, being able to keep their country a secret. Originally CI wanted to discover the disappearance of quite few foreign intellectuals. After tagging the phones and reading confidential documents they found out all the intellectuals had something in common: they visited this small European country that nobody new existed. First visit was usually fatal and they'd all eventually move there.
Bike couldn't decide whether this slovenian secret weapon was hidden in the gorgeous girls, breath taking landscape, the strange language they are speaking or the home made fruit liquor that brought instant happiness to everyone. After few years of investigation Bike decided she needed some more time to make the final conclusion. The time has passed and soon CIA lost contact with their agent. They closed the investigation and proclaimed Slovenia European Bermuda triangle Europe. And the Bike? Well, I guess she's still investigating...


Dinozaver said...

No-no-no, that's what shopping at Lidl does for you.

Truefaith1963 said...

I think I've seen this bike in Dublin! Seriously...

Scene: Stormy night in Slovenia. Very forked lightning illumiates an almost impossibly scary castle atop a hill, in the Hammer-Horror style.
FX Thunder noise off stage that sounds like a large wobbly piece of metal being shaken
Zoom in through basement window to

Scene: Creepy, badly lit basement laboratory - bits of metal tubing bent into strange contortions litter the bench. Padlocked to an operating table, inert for now, is Bike.
Enter Mad-scientist/Evil Genius character.....

Bilious Pudenda said...

I vote for the one that portrays the bicycle as female!

Cherry said...

@Dino - I was wondering why there's more people on the streets in december. Damn Lidl!

@Truefaith - I believe you, I think that is the fourth story the Bike didn't want to share...

@bilious - I figured you'll prefer that one - me2 :)