When it walks like a duck...

There's a certain lady with way too much time to kill and access to the internet so yes, naturally she concluded that:

"Fascism is better than socialism cause it gives more opportunities for communiaction."

Hm, let me see....Begging for your life, saying goodbye to your loved ones just before you're taken away to the concentration camp in the middle of the night, asking for food and dignity... Yeah, lots of communication going on there.

Since sometimes it's better to let the music speak, here it is - for you Dajana:



p.s. I hope you really do get a little kick out of being small-minded. Otherwise it is just a huge waste of bytes.

I want my money back!

Dear Jack & Jones,

Less than two months ago I bought my first pair of Jack & Jones jeans. Unfortunately it will be also the last one. It has one of those "washed out" looks and I appreciate the thoroughness of "looks old" style, but I really didn't expect it to also act old.

Now, jeans and me have a long and loving history which is why I like to buy it in the range from "not cheap" to "rather expensive". And of course there are things I do and don't expect from it: I don't expect it to turn into a unicorn or write my articles, but I do expect it to last longer than two months! My almost new pair od Jack & Jones now looks worse than my 5 years old pair of Levi's. See for yourself:

If I wear them every day they should last at least 1 year. I know you probably spend a lots of time researching the habits of your target groups and yes, latest studies do show that young people spend a lot of time online. However that is not all we are doing.

I expect the stitches to be strong enough to survive random activities like riding a bike, catching a bus and occasional partying. Would be nice to know that clothes for young people are not made only for sitting in bars.

I think I'm being quite reasonable about my expectations. You see...I already have many pairs of old jeans that are falling apart. This is actually the reason why I bought new ones. 

yours sincerely...

About Slovenian national sports

This is not about football. The closest I got to World cup is listening to honking horns and drunken yelling from the streets while getting a serious flag overdose.

No, it's about the sports that Slovenians are learning and practising from the very early age: complaining and criticizing. Yup, that's right. We are the world champions in nagging, bitching, exaggerating, searching for loopholes and mistakes and many other similar disciplines. So many olympic medals just waiting to happen.

Have a good news? Don't worry, we can turn it into a bad one in no time. And smash any ideals or hope you might have had while we're at it. See a nice opportunity? No problem - in a blink of an eye it will become a scandal, maybe even an international conflict. Nothing interesting to say? Just criticize the first object/person/news/thing you see. It'll make you feel much better and more important.

If you want to compete with us, there's important lesson you have to learn. Remember that there are no challenges. There are only obstacles that prevent you from actually doing something.

Creepy freshness

There's something that needs to be said about modern automatic air fresheners with a sensor. They creep me out.

Sure it may sound like an excellent idea. But when you enter bathroom still in the morning braindead mood, the last thing you want is having some device spraying deodorant on you while making strange noise.

Trust me, when you hear a weird squishy noise at 4 a.m. air freshener is definitely not the first thing that comes to your mind. It's more like wondering what kinda freaking animal/alien has found its new home in the safe environment of our cosmetic products.

After few seconds of twilight zone feeling you realise it's just the falic device with it's evil blinking green eye. Lord of the Rings meets Cyclop.

Seriously scarry shit.

Confessions of internet user

As internet user there are some things I don't expect to happen when I visit a website. And by "don't expect to happen" I really mean "it annoys the hell outta me". For example :

• the music that starts playing when I visit a website,
• the music that starts playing everytime I refresh the page, even if I turned it off the first time,
• the main navigation dissapears every time I visit any of the webpages,
• pop up ads (possibly in flash with loud music) appear out of nowhere and follow my cursor,
• special characters change in bizzare unreadable signs thus making the text completely impossible to consume,
• having to read long text with few or no paragraphs,
• having to read somebody's mindflow for 10 minutes before I get to actual information,
• having to look for contact info for more than 10 seconds,
• having to deal with the search field or e-form that doesn't work,
• discovering the dead pages,
• "news" that was refreshed a year ago.

Having a website is overrated. Unless you can take care for it properly, don't embarrass yourself by having a lousy one. This might also help.

Lame ad

On my way to the market I stumbled upon this fail:

Seems that car ads are becoming more and more absurd. A bussiness god, throwing away money, a woman, happy because of the new car, and a satisfied man (because of the money?) do seem like a parody of happy modern family. Except they are not. This ad is for real.

I'm sure there are people who don't mind getting humiliated to get a new car. However, I liked car ads far more when they were like this.

Germanwings FAIL

I made it to Berlin, unfortunately without my hamster. My first post here should probably be dedicated to glorifying the city, however I am still too irritated by Germanwings and their serious lack of information skills. Here's why:

1. I read the info on their website: So I got a note form the vet, my hamster is under 8 kg and is not in the category 1 restricted breeds. I just needed to make a phone call to "check" him in. According to this info I should pay about 25 EUR. Not really cheap but OK, I don't really have a choice.

2. The contact page is somewhat confusing as not all the call centers have the full numbers. After second week of trying to reach them on five different numbers and some effort trying to get the right number, I finally managed. The guy on the other side, supposedly empoyee of germanwings, said I need a note from the vet and 35 EUR which I pay at the check in. Ok, So maybe they raised prices because of the crisis.

3. I come to the check in, already check in all my luggage, including the cage, and then point at the hamster. Only then they told me that rodents can't travel with planes. And if I wanted to get the cage back I would surely miss my plane. Splendid. I swear I could hear Murphy laughing out loud.

So now I have the cage while my parents, only 700 km away, are stuck with my hamster. I would to complaint to them but there is no email on their website and I am too pissed off to spend money on calling them.

So dear Germanwings, we spent fun few years together but now it is time to move on and find something else. Because I deserve better :P

me2everyone

I am probably not the only one who got the invitation to join the community me2everyone.com. Normally I would ignore this kinda things but this one was slightly different. It was supposed to be owned by its members, meaning you becoming a shareholder if you sign up.

So I did the same thing as many others and used the "what have I got to loose" criteria. After all it only takes a few minutes and the thing could get real big one day and be worth millions. Like Google, right? Wrong.

Before I could start spamming inviting my friends I forgot my password. Yeah, it happens when you're not writing things down. I tried the "forgotten password" link and got email saying "Your password is:" but not really giving me one. There were also some other very interesting basic things missing in the content (e.g. blank space instead of my username and asking me to reply to noreply@me2everyone.com). Every time I tried it.

Right. So they didn't test their SGE. I sent them e-mail through their contact e-form, even though it has some usability issues and was apparently not tested on different OS. They promise to get back at you in 24 hours. It has been almost a week now. Well, I guess we should have synchronized our watches first. My bad.

So as much as I wish for everyone to get a lot of money out of this and laugh at my skepticism while they're sipping margaritas on their private beach in Tijuana, I can't help wondering. I am not particularly good at math but how much can you possibly earn out of a website that was launched and advertised without sorting out basic development and usability issues?

How to see a crappy movie in style

1. Step one: let yourself be convinced to see exactly this movie, even though you wanted to see another one.
2. Step two: Go to the cinema and buy the ticket instead of downloading the bastard from the web.
3. Step three: Wait for something interesting to happen until the movie ends.

It is important to see a crappy movie every now and then, just to remember to go with your feeling the next time. Besides that - I think I had an Abba overdose.

In desperate need of good movie asap!

Say the dirty word politics!

It's that time of the year when we get to decide how we want to spend the next four years. And I totally understand how some people are not interested in politics and can't be bothered with something as insignificant as electing the Government of the country they live in. The right to decide is overrated anyway.

I also understand how hard it is for some to have an opinion. After all there are more important things in life, like walking a pet, taking a trip or cleaning the apartment. Why would anyone want to think about this drift towards totalitarian regime when they can sit comfortably on their sofa, have a pint and enjoy a nice reality show or a cheesy movie. Ignorance is a bliss.

But there are people who do have an opinion and don't mind noticing the reality we live in. And this Sunday we are going to take that 10 minutes to spell it out. Enough is enough! Ironically left is the only right way to go now and my choice are the Social democrats. Something's got to change and I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit down and wait for the others to decide for me.

I've got the right to vote and I'm not afraid to use it!

Blogs and marketing

Being a blogger it's only a matter of time before you start getting spam invitations to join communities or adding some widgets to your site. Most of those are generic invitations, sent to everyone and usually doomed to end up in your Trash. I got this two:

Marketing executive from SocialMatic Team is pleased to inform me my blog is not a total waste of other people's time:


Well, Ms. Alicia Yap, I'd never hire you to do marketing for me and to be honest I don't like your website nor your approach. You offering signing up for me just shows how desperate you are to get more traffic. Besides, I don't want to automatically sign up to 13 more social websites and get more spam to my Inbox.

However there are also people who know how to approach bloggers without fancy titles and big words. I got kind invitation from Pocket cultures' Blogs of the world, who focus on life in different countries. Not only I like the concept AND the blog, their approach is individual, cute and obviously effective. Plus they give the impression the really did read at least one of my posts. Needles to say I said "yes".

Now this is what I call proper marketing:

See Ms. Yap, lousy marketing can do you more damage than the ugly aggressive red banner on your website ;)

Fancy hospital shoes

It is quite usual for a woman to have a shoe fetish. She can already own dozen pairs of shoes and still legitimately buy a dozen of new ones, because she "doesn't have that particular model/color yet." Being a proud owner of few pairs of sneakers, sandals and boots I am realizing I am actually quite conservative when it comes to shoes. I prefer them simple, preferably black & white and without unnecessary glam & glitter.

Now I've already gotten used to all the hideous silver/golden/glittery sandals/sneakers that seemed to be popular lately (even though I can't help wondering what would happen if they clicked the hills together three times....) I even got used to those weirdish hybrids between sport shoes and sandals.

What I can't understand is this new fashion of fancy hospital shoes. Do women really want to look like housewives or funky nurses from 60's?

Here's what I'm thinking: If they look like they're made for people with walking disabilities I'm pretty sure that's what you'll get if wearing them. But seriously.

Happy B-day

To our little planet. And if you feel like doing something beyond recycling, I recommend watching this video and reconsidering the brand of cosmetic products you buy:

FAQ U 2

1. You don't eat meat? What do you eat then?
2. You really think you're helping out anyone with recycling?
3. How come you're still single?

So what are your FAQ's?

Welcome to America

Guess what I found on the lighter I bought recently? Instructions on how to use it:

1. Step one -touch it from above,
   
2. Step two - push it down.

Which brings a couple of rhetorical questions to my mind: Do people who wouldn't know how to use it actually exist and if so wouldn't they be able to figure it out in like 15 seconds? Next thing you know we'll be having "Don't iron clothes while wearing them" and "You shouldnt' microwave your cat" warning signs.

Like I hear they have in America. If we're lucky maybe they'll treat us with instructions on how to use a bag of chips or a bottle of oil. Don't use oil for hamster bathing. Open the bag before you eat the chips. Do not mix chips with the cleaning products. Don't use it instead of contact lenses.

Why not simplify the whole procedure and just make a general sign to apply on every possible thing we can think off. Something like:

Think before using this. Not stupid proof.

Because they're worth it

Usability testing results took an interesting turn at New York Times. If you don't know how to make online ads less irritating then at least you can annoy your readers with little banner ads. Make them remember it, so why not make an ad that:

• appears from nowhere,
• covers the content you want to read,
• can't be closed down,
• makes many annoying little cursors when you try to close it.
  

What an excellent idea! Maybe we can't make them buy the product but at least we can piss the suckers off. Just a little something for Nielsen to add to his findings.

Another revolution in online advertising?

After last weeks boom with Google's OpenSocial Facebook is returning the new hit by changing the face of brand advertising online and unveiling their ad strategy. So what exactly is so revolutionary, changing or social about it anyway?

Not much really. After discovering banner blindness, marketers have found yet another way to stuff the ads down our throats. But not just any kind of ads - this time they are supposed to be personalized. Gee, thanks for caring.

The pop-up overkill was not enough to prevent annoying flash animations, putting commercials in public toilets and filling our mails/blogs with "customized" ads. Why stop there when there is still so much to be discovered? Now they want to customize the ads to fit our needs by advertising things we like/want. I'm not sure which I dislike more: the "progress" in advertising or the pretension of doing this for the benefit of the users.

We know it's really not about wanting to help you getting what you want, but earning few bucks with things we might like and probably don't need. The consumers don't know what they want anyway, right?

Now I don't know about others, but I certainly don't want anyone scanning my profile to offer me products I might like. If I ever wanted anything like that, I'd invite them over and let them check my closets to find out my favorite underwear brand or ask them for few book recommendations. Luckily I know what I want most of the time and have a temporary solution for the things I don't know. There are always things I don't want to know so please let me have the privilege of keeping it that way.

However there are two things I believe really could make a revolution in online advertising:

• software that would "clean" the websites of advertisements
  
• following a simple yet worldwide successful principle: Less is more.

Well, assuming they really care about the consumer ;)

Bill Gates and his sudden charity inch

Obviously people think Bill Gates has sudden and unexplainable urge to give money away to people. Yeah, just like that. Well, to be more exact - to give 245 EUR to everyone who forwards certain spam email to others and they forward it too.

It might sound unbelievable probably because it is but many people obviously think: What the heck, it can't hurt if I try, right? My mailbox says too many...

There should be a new word for describing chain letters since annoying doesn't quite fit anymore. Please stop it.

Bill Gates is rich for a reason. Sending emails is not the reason.

Disputes over a symbol

Apparently Johnson & Johnson is suing American Red Cross for use of their symbol:







"The two had shared the symbol amicably for more than 100 years — Johnson & Johnson on its commercial products and the American Red Cross as a symbol of its relief efforts on foreign battlefields and in disasters like floods and tornadoes.....

But in 2004, the American Red Cross began licensing the symbol to commercial partners selling products at retail establishments. According to the lawsuit, those products include humidifiers, medical examination gloves, nail clippers, combs and toothbrushes."

more...

Apparently the peaceful symbiosis is over. I bet they can get loads of money from that dirty charity bitches. Raising money for the poor, providing them with clothes and medical equipment? What on earth where they thinking? Red cross is a symbol for overrated cosmetics and not for helping people. Obviously.

Can we do something about it? Hell yes. I'll never buy another Johnson & Johnson product again. In your face, you greedy capitalists! So sue me.

info via:

• Adfreak
• Seth Godin

Photo source

(B)ad ideas

I have a secret passion for ads. Not so much to enjoy them really, but more to figure out where the ideas come from. And some of the ideas are simply too deep for me to comprehend so I need to spit them out.

This two have been bugging me for some time and I just couldn't resist not to blog them:

Cigar shop - in the kingdom of smoke. Now, I don't really know any non/smoker who would find this slogan appealing. Let me see...kingdom of smoke...is a place to go when you feel you have too much oxygen in your lungs or when you want to feel the meaning of Smoke gets in your eyes? Stinky fetish maybe? Nope, still not convinced.


Insurance company. Would I really believe a company that advertises "happy patients"? If their insurance is so great, then why would this patient measure the temperature by himself? Can't afford a nurse? Tempting offer indeed. Besides, the silly expression on his face...well, let's just say "Thanks, but no thanks". I am a cranky patient and if I'd ever look like that I wouldn't be smiling for sure. No, I'd expect to get served by a sexy nurse. Make that two.

To be honest I really prefer ads that are not ads. Like this one (my mother is the most beautiful). Says a lot and makes me feel warm. Go no ads!